YHWH

I know all of us have been tired but today I want to talk about a different kind of tired, one when you feel as though you have nothing left. You could cry, but that would make you even more tired, you could eat, but that would require the energy to get up, you could also do something you have on the massive to do list you made, but that would require the motivation to do something, the list goes on and on. A couple of weeks ago I had worked a couple of days in a row and they hadn’t been hard shifts, but they were just draining from the heart break and sadness that I had to deal with. That morning I rode home in silence because I couldn’t call anyone and tell them without crying. I got home and took a shower and jumped straight in the bed. I looked at the Bible on my nightstand and I almost broke down crying because I felt guilty for not reading it. I knew that I needed to be in the word more than anything but I didn't have anything to give to God that morning. Instead, I opened up my prayer journal and started writing. I always write my prayers down because I’m a better writer than I am a speaker, hence the blog:). The morning prior I decide to start my prayer with YHWH which is a Hebrew name for God. What is so special about this name is that it mimics each breath you take. YH is the inhale WH is your exhale. How wonderful is it that we have a God who is not distant to us when we don't spend time with him but one that is in every breath we take.

I think of the people who ran away from God when things got hard, take Jonah, Moses, and even Adam and Eve. It didn't work out too well for any of them. Moses had to go back to save the Hebrew people, Adam and Eve where kicked out of the garden and their sin set up the need for Jesus to save us, Jonah got swallowed by a whale so he could go back to Nineveh to preach to the people. Needless to say you can't ruin God's plan. Whether you read your bible, go to church, live in community with others, or do none of these things the breath of God will always be with you. Of course each person who ran from God in the Bible had a reason not to fulfill His plan, they were hurt by what these people had done, sin overpowered their desire to say no, or they just simply didn't want to do it. Yet, God was able to use them even in their unwillingness. You have no idea the impact you can make on others by simply being present. You don’t have to give anything, just show up.

When I feel guilty I have to remind myself that God is not distant just because I didn’t read my Bible, He is in every breath that I take. He feels the pain I feel and He is present not because He has to be but because He wants to be. I am a child not because of my own strength and ability, but because of His love and mercy that saved me when I didn’t deserve it. If all you have left is your breath that is great because you can still use that to glorify Him even when you don't feel like it. I find rest and peace in the fact that there is still a plan in place even when I’m too tired to do anything about it. Cling to the steadfast presence of God because He is always near. So as I lay in bed now preparing for another shift I know that no matter what happens, my response to God will always be “Yes and Amen” (2 Corinthians 1:20). Yes to the fact that I will go and do whatever He calls me to do and Amen to the breath of life that fills my lungs. 

May the peace and love of God be with you always,

Leah Carpenter