I Just Don't Want To Go

For weeks now I’ve been praying for the Lord to ”send me“ or “use me“ but I’m telling you right now I really don’t want to be sent or used at the place He’s telling me to go. School. I don’t know what it is about this semester but I am honestly dreading it. I already miss my family, free time, and most definitely my cat and the semester hasn’t even started yet. I never thought that it would be this hard going back to school because my freshman year, time could not move fast enough so I could get out of Gaston County. I wanted something different and I got what I was looking for... it just never occurred to me that I would miss what I had. Knowing you have to do something but really don't want to is honestly the worst feeling because you feel helpless and hopeless. That being said, there is one person who came to this world to help the helpless and give hope to the hopeless. He made a way for us to "be sent" and to "be used" all we have to do is be obedient.

Jonah didn’t want to go, Paul didn’t want to listen, and Jesus didn’t want to die. God gives you circumstances for a reason so when you don’t want to go remember no one else wanted to either, but things would be a lot different if they hadn’t. Being obedient is never easy but there is so much growth in store for you if you simply listen to what the Lord has to say. For years I never listened because I thought I knew what was best for me and I absolutely hated change. What I didn't know then was that the Christian lifestyle is full of change and if you don't change the way God wants you to you'll just be stagnant. No one wants to stay in one place for the rest of their lives because we always want to push forward and be better. So be better! Be obedient to God despite what your body wants and know that the plans that the Lord has for you are far better than you can ever imagine.

I know what it's like to sit in your dorm room and just be in a slump basically because all you want is to go home. That being said, I can't tell you how many life changing conversations I've had with people while I wanted to go home, and if I would have left my life would have been a whole lot different. School is hard, work is hard, and life is hard, but that does not give you the excuse to quit and just say it was too hard. Do you think Jesus wanted to be beaten and killed for you? No but He did it because He loved you. So while you're somewhere you don't want to be show this love to someone else and give them the opportunity to know Jesus's love. Homesickness is a real thing, but just because it's something new or you're moving away doesn't mean that the people back home are going to forget about you or that when you do come home things won't just pick up right where you left off. Be patient with yourself and when things get tough know you have a God who has been there with you and will always be there just as He promised (Hebrews 13:5).

May the love and peace of God be with you always,

Leah Carpenter